Lack of communication is perhaps the most common and one of the most deadly forms of relationship trouble. Good communication serves to bring people closer together. When partners consistently fail to communicate well, they slowly become strangers. This is one of the main ways that couples drift from being soul mates to room mates. Often in communication, we think we understand the other person, we respond accordingly, then the other person thinks they know what we mean, they respond, and we are off to the races, so to speak. But really communicating, really listening to each other, involves both slowing the process down and learning new skills. Here's a simple 4 step process for improving communication between partners: Step 1 - Partner 1 talks about something. Step 2 - Partner 2 repeats what they heard and then asks if they got it. Step 3 - Partner 1 then has three options: - Yes, you got it. - You got one part, and missed this part. - You did not get it at all. You then repeat steps 1 through 3 until partner 2 gets it. Step 4 - When both people agree that the message was received, partner 2 talks about their thoughts and feelings about what was said. Now partner 1 repeats steps 2 and 3 until they get it. And so on. This feels awkward at first. Give it some time because it works. |
