Dependency in the generations gone by, meant just what the dictionary said it meant, influenced, controlled or determined by..a person who relies on someone for existence, support, etc. The key word here is someone, not something; we were dependent upon our ancestors to lay the foundation of our society, a child is dependent on parents for nurturing, growth and development, a student is dependent on teachers for education. So, whats different now?

We all have had or have habits of some form, something we have done so often it becomes automatic. Some are healthy and good for us, some are not. Some are easy to change or break, some are not. Sometimes and at some point, a habit can become obsessive, addictive or abusive. There are so many theories out there as to how an addiction develops. Whether it is genetic, behavioral, biochemical, or life cycle, there is one distinguishing feature, which is the substances ability to dominate the persons behavior. Addiction is any substance, activity or relationship that elevates the mood while allowing the addict an unhealthy escape from reality.

So, why escape reality? We, as human beings all experience pain, some of us worse than others. Some individuals have grown up within a painful or dysfunctional family unit. Some have experienced traumatic events, which may predispose them to addictive tendencies. Maybe it is a matter of simply falling through society cracks, not getting help when it was needed, not dealing with issues, not knowing where to find resources, or just plain simple pride, so the pain gets buried. Temporary escape may be found in some form of addictive relief.

There are many misconceptions out there, too much judgment, and not enough understanding and support. One common misconception is that addiction is self inflicted, something that can be snapped out of! No, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, not everyone who plays the VLTs is addicted to gambling. It is all about the behavior and how consuming the addiction becomes. I am not here to try convincing anyone of anything, we are all entitled to our thoughts and opinions, but having an open mind to what is real is a wonderful step for all of us.

The truth of the matter is, that addictions are our nations #1 health concern. Hundreds of millions of dollars are spent annually on health costs. Not surprisingly, the legal culprits, tobacco and alcohol, are the most common addictions. Tobacco is the leading cause of preventable death in our country. There is an estimated 35,000 deaths and 200,000 hospitalizations per year due to tobacco, 7000 deaths and 85,000 hospitalizations due to alcohol hospitalizations. It is not only about the financial burden on our country but the stress it places on family and society.

Nowadays, the list of possibilities for addiction is phenomenal: From illicit and prescription drugs, alcohol, tobacco, gambling, sex, Internet and porn to dieting, exercise, sugar, pop, shopping, religion, perfectionism, materialism, relationships, coffee, gossip, TV and food? We all find comfort in things that may or may not be in our best interests, but we are human, we are not perfect. Some things are more socially acceptable than others; sometimes it is only ourselves that we are hurting but when the addiction affects the family unit, the merry go round begins. The addicted unknowingly forms an emotional trap, which makes their loved ones feel responsible for their behavior, so a new illness is formed; co-dependency. Often times, the only way off this merry go round is when the addict reaches a moral, financial, marital or health bottom and receives help, or has had intervention. All too often, the connected members of the family or friends need help but do not recognize it at first. Everyone is now riding the merry go round of denial. Denial is a great tool to escape stress and reality, and a temporary escape that builds a wall around the problem. Emotional energy is wasted trying to hold up those walls.

There is so much that can be said, so much to learn and so much more to understand. The only way recovery can begin is for denial to end. Recovery will mean support with the addiction itself and the inner pain attached. I believe that awareness is the key; ignorance is not bliss, and there is help and hope out there! Anyone who has experienced a 12-step program can attest to that. Many people have testified, we are grateful for the addict/addiction in our lives because the healing process has begun,(in reference to the program they are in.)

In spite of the way the world has altered the roles and functions of the family unit, it is still the basic unit of our society. It remains the framework for emotional, financial, and material support essential to the growth and development of each member. No matter how expanded the meaning of dependency has become, it most importantly still means that each of us in this world, family or loved ones, is dependent on each other. In this progressing Era of Dependency, let us all strive to support those who so depend on us, One Day at a Time!